FastLaneDad's nervous look

Have you split from the mother or father of your children and wondered how it will be for the kids as you find a new partner and move on with your life? This was one of the big things for FastLaneMom when she left our boys biological dad.

FastLaneDad's nervous look
FastLaneDad chewing his fingernails at the prospect of meeting the FastKids for the first time.

It’s not easy for either party and as the New partner I was as nervous as someone backpacking alone in the outback in the 90’s at the prospect of facing 3, 5 and 7 year old boys whose mum I was falling for and who I was obviously desperate to impress.

The first time I met one of the boys was when I was sick in bed and FastLaneMommy came around to my place with some soup and other nice things that ‘friends’ take around for each other and FastKid3 came with her. He was only 3 at the time and I wasn’t really up for playing but it was fine and the next time I saw him he remembered and asked me if I was better which was sweet.

The first time I met all 3 boys together was at a local sporting event. As this was a regular thing for FastLaneMom and the boys it was a comfortable and relaxed environment. I could spend time with the family I was potentially going to join without it being awkward. Being there as one of the crowd and not as a partner or an Uncle, took the pressure off everyone (I’m sorry but “Uncle”, really? I was never an “Uncle” – it just sounds wrong to me.. ). I also happened to be a guy who the boys liked to kick a ball around with, which was lucky!

Such a stress-free approach to discovering what being a FastLaneFamily might one day feel like, made it so relaxed for everyone, especially the kids. Or was it especially me?? What and who ever it was, it worked really well and we felt ready to take the next step.

The second and perhaps most significant family get together was when we arranged to go to the local play barn (indoor soft play for kids). I went with some mutual friends of ours who I’d got to know through FastLaneMom. FLM took the FastKids and we all met there for an afternoon of fun and games with Sunday lunch thrown in for good measure.

So that was how we managed our situation, with no pressure for anyone. Just a watch and learn exercise seeing what it would look like if anything serious happened between FastLaneMom and I..

Have you had any experience with this sort of thing?

If you have or know someone who has, please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

Thanks for reading.

FLD

5 comments

  1. I think you and FastLaneMom are absolutely right, if you can introduce someone in a leisure/fun situation it has to bring less pressure on everyone. Imagine you did the introductions around a formal dinner visit or something – how stressed would everybody get, not least because everybody would feel they had to be on their best behaviour.

    I have two girls who have had to go through the introductions too – and I am lucky enough to say that both of them have good relationships with my now husband, particularly the younger one who was at home with me when we got together and is closer to her “step-dad” than she is to her paternal father. I think it is a tribute to both the elder daughter and hubby that despite their distance they have a good relationship and care about each other a lot.

    I think in the main though if you love your kids, they love you and then you find a new partner to love that love will bind all of you together. It doesn’t always happen, but I am a great believer in the right love winning through.

    1. Hi Kathy and thanks for reading the blog!

      Yes, we thought it was a good way and it’s good to hear that your girls are close to your partner.

      I like how you put that the love that we create as the adults ‘binds’ us all together, that’s certainly the case in our house.

      And who said ‘Love is Blind’!

  2. I recall an impromtu party Casa Jerry&Lard where it was implied that you were Lard’s Buddy (which you were) but could be there with FLM? lol x

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