It’s been a long road having a blog and not really knowing or understanding what it is or what I wanted for it in the beginning. It seemed like a great thing to do back in 2012. Wow, i’ve pissed around at this for five years… with precious little to show for it. A few loyal followers who happen mostly to be friends or family, no real ‘Following or Tribe’. I don’t deserve one the way i’ve faffed and farted through those five years. A head of steam one minute, complete silence the next. If you happen to be reading this, please don’t misunderstand me, i’m not apologising, not at all, i’m actually giving myself a huge kick in the arse to either do something about it OR give it away and do something else.
You see i’ve got to the point where i’ve got far, far to comfortable with the status quo and if I don’t start – I actually already have – then I need to put the blog down and step away from the blog. I need to be ruthless and stop being all emotional about this decision. I guess that’s exactly why I haven’t been able to fully let go, because i’ve got some ‘skin in the game’… not a fat lot of skin I must admit and some of that skin was probably sunburnt, maybe even dead by the time it ‘Got’ in the game… skin non the less.
I wonder if a lot of this was becoming the stay at home parent?
When I started all this, I was working school hours and really cramming everything into a small window = TIME POOR. I look back know and realise that I didn’t have time to think about lots of things whilst the boys were at school because I was working and rushing around not having the time to wonder what had become of me OR how will I find the time to do XYZ. I just did shit. Then I gave away the job in search of being a better husband and father because i’d have more time to ‘look after the family’… and for a time it felt like that. We had a wedding to plan and execute (in a nice way!), more stuff to do around the home, better meals to prepare, more activities to plan, all the good stuff right? Right.
I’m not what you’d call a visionary when it comes to planning, i’m more of a ‘LetsDoItAndIt’llWorkOut‘ kind of guy. So when the time came that I started fooling myself with self-sabotaging bullshit, I brought it! What a dick. Day’s, weeks, months, years have rolled by and it’s a wonder i’m still married! Saint FastLaneMum. She’ll love that! Not.
I know that most of you will know this and if you’re still here, thank you, IT’S A FUCKING TRAP!!!
I realised a while ago that I physically and chemically need to stay busy. Looking back on my life upto that point, it’s where i’ve done my best work, where i’ve kicked goals, achieved success all the things that made me, me. What was I thinking. I guess that’s the point, I wasn’t. I’m a better person when i’m thinking on my feet, well at least I feel better. I might be more impatient about dawdling but who fucking cares, I don’t! Come on, let’s go! Time is the only thing that you can NEVER GET BACK, so why do I keep wasting it? Not any more, that cruise ship has now sailed and i’m here… back on my speed boat.
My experience has taught me personally that I need to; stay busy, stay hungry, stay motivated and above all else… stay away from the beer fridge at midday.